Big Brother Week 9- Take Me To The Jury

Spoiler Alert...Below are the results and my thoughts on this week's episodes of Big Brother 13. Also, we'll take a look at how Mags', Jaydon's, Larry's and my teams are stacking up on the fantasy side of things. So before reading any further, watch the eps, do something for your true alliance (Tony and Josie), then read what I have to say.

At least the Big Brother producers are of the same mindset as me. There's nobody interesting left in the house, so they are showing more footage of the evicted houseguests than the ones still playing this game. For the first time ever, on Sunday they went back and showed almost half an episode worth of action from before Jeff and Daniele were eliminated. Then, on Thursday, they gave us more Jury House footage than I've ever seen in the past five years. At least they know where the talent lies...Daniele being awesome, and Jeff being an idiot.

I don't know how they are going to deal with show footage of the people they have left in this house. Did you see some of those conversations between Rachel and Jordan? They are some of the dumbest I've ever heard. They speak entirely in cliches, explaining how the Big Brother game works to each other, and pretending like they're pumping each other up to do really good in the weeks to come. Snooze alert.

And with that, I'll turn you over to the fantasy scoreboard, in which Jaydon continues to dominate...

Jaydon

Jeff +51

Rachel +47: Nom (-5), Veto (+15), W9 (+37)= +94

Kalia +89: W9 (+37)= +126

Last Week at +187: Team total= +271

Me

Brendon -14

Lawon -35

Adam +87: Nom (-5), Votes (-4), W9 (+37)= +115

Last Week at +38: Team total= +66

Mags

Daniele +14

Cassie -95

Porsche +41: HoH (+15), W9 (+37)= +93

Last Week at -40: Team total= +12

Lar

Jordan +44: Nom (-5), W9 (+37)= +76

Shelly +28: Nom (-5), Votes (-8)= +15

Dominic -110

Last Week at -38: Team total= -19

The Kellie Pickler Award- Female Reality Contestant

Named For: Kellie Pickler, finalist on American Idol Season Five
Awarded To: The best female reality competition contestant from
June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: Sugar Kiper- Survivor

Place. Contestant (Show) Points (My Vote)

10. Laura Crosby (Big Brother) 2 points

9. Sandra Diaz-Twine (Survivor) 2 points

8. Joanna Krupa (Superstars) 2 points

7. Crystal Bowersox (American Idol) 7 points

6. Amanda Kimmel (Survivor) 7 points (4th)

5. Caite Upton (Amazing Race) 11 points (2nd)

4. Susan Feniger (Top Chef) 13 points

3. Didi Benami (American Idol) 15 points (5th)

Runner-Up
2. Jordan Lloyd (Big Brother/Amazing Race) 15 points (3rd)

and the Poolie goes to...
1. Parvati Shallow (Survivor)
27 points (1st)

Here with his thoughts on Parvati Shallow is Poolie voter Tyson...

It’s rare that someone I voted for ends up winning one of these awards, so I will give you the four reasons she got my vote, which, I assume, are the same five reasons she got other’s votes:

1. I am a huge fan of people who use physical attractiveness to get what they want and Parvati managed to bewitch several of last season’s males. Everyone kept saying that Russell had fallen under Parvati’s spell and really who can blame him. She’s definitely island hot, not sure about real world hot, but island hot…definitely. Note: If I were ever to go on survivor I would require all female alliances to spend one night of naked cuddling with me…let’s see where your loyalties really lie.

2. Her name is spelled Parvati but is pronounced poverty. The “r” has cast off all pronunciation rules and decided to make its presence felt right before the “ti”. Parvati has a rogue “r” and that definitely does not grind my gears.

3. During the challenge where survivors had to hold their arms straight out in order to push two cylinders against some wood, several of the female challengers were sporting enough armpit hair to make 12 year old boys everywhere green with envy. But, when the camera panned to Parvati…smooth as a Siamese cat.

4. She used to box while in college. Punching people in the face is cool and if you don’t think so then I’ve got a fresh knuckle sandwich with your name on it.

by Tyson Brazell

if you would like to hear Tyson's fifth reason for voting for Parvati feel free to ask him for it as it is too inappropriate for the Pool.

Poolies Watch- The Kellie Pickler Award

The Kellie Pickler Award is given each year to the best female contestant on a reality competition series. Just like last year, the nominations are looking bleak again in 2010. I can't even field 10 ladies at this point. Last season's champion, Sugar Kiper, is back for Survivor Heroes vs. Villains but I'm not looking for her to repeat. So far the only contestants I have truly enjoyed were Jordan Lloyd on Big Brother for her ridiculous stupidity and Joanna Krupa on The Superstars for her ability to yell and scream at Terrell Owens (and question how he is a professional football player).

Have Performed Well
Jordan Lloyd- Big Brother
Joanna Krupa- The Superstars
Kristi Leskinen- The Superstars
Monica Padilla- Survivor Samoa

I hope none of these jokes earn a spot on the ballot. Laura Crosby was a decent enough girl, but didn't make it longer than one or two weeks on Big Bro. Meghan from Amazing Race was actually annoying at times, but okay at others. I didn't like Laura Morett at all on Survivor Samoa, but could see others maybe enjoying her style. And all the Fab Five did on Talent was tap dance, but it was pretty sweet.

Didn't Do Much
Fab Five- AGT
Laura Crosby- Big Brother
Laura Morett- Survivor Samoa
Meghan- Amazing Race

Hopefully some talent will come out of Idol and the second editions of Survivor and Amazing Race, but things are looking bleak. The Poolies Committee might have to get rid of the Kellie Pickler Award and make the Terry Fator Award co-ed because these females just aren't cutting it lately.

If there is anyone out there from other shows (Top Chef, So You Think, Apprentice, etc.) let me know.