Peyton Manning the Card Player

It takes a pretty momentous occasion to get me to blog about a sporting event these days. Sure when my favorite athlete on my favorite team wins his fourth NFL MVP award, I'll write something up to proclaim my love for him. When that same team wins the AFC Championship and is on their way to their second Super Bowl in four years I'm not that inclined to post. But, when said favorite athlete dissects the (stat-based) best defense in the league in a fashion that seems eerily familiar, The Kid gets inspired.

I am not alluding to Joe Montana, Johnny Unitas or any other great quarterback of years past. Peyton Manning's stunning performance from yesterday's championship game was oh so similar to the day Brett Maverick had when he sat down to play poker with Annabelle Bransford, Angel The Spaniard and the rest of the card players in Crystal River.

Just as Rex Ryan and the rest of the J-E-T-S were running their mouths the week up to Sunday's game, Annabelle seemed to never shut up, while Angel and the young gunfighter seemed to think they easily had what it took to take out Maverick in this game of cards. In order to be allowed into the game of five card draw, Brett had to promise to lose for at least an hour. While watching the game yesterday it seemed as though Peyton and head coach Jim Caldwell made a similar promise to the New Yorkers. We promise that we will lose, for at least an hour. And they did, 17-6.

Just as Maverick explains (after taking pot after pot from the fools) he was simply learning their tells while losing. As Angel, Annabelle and the gang stole pots from Brett, he simply smiled and waited until he had enough information to take them all for all that they were worth. This is exactly what Peyton did to the Jets. As he was rushed and blitzed from all angles, he never panicked. He merely took the sack when he needed to, stayed patient, and figured out exactly how the Jet defense was playing him.


After falling to the ground on his own a few times, instead of fumbling or throwing picks like the quarterbacks before him did against the Jets, Peyton turned things around as he ended the first half with a 58 second drive that brought the Colts within four points, at 17-14. While Maverick figured out that Annabelle twirled her hair when she was bluffing, Peyton similarly figured out exactly how to slice through the vaunted Jets D by getting the ball in perfect position for Austin Collie to make three easy catches on his way to the endzone.

Angel continued to shuffle his front cards to the back and his back cards to the front and Maverick kept on getting richer. Come the second half, Peyton took advantage of the corner backs that couldn't cover, lighting up the defense by connecting with Pierre Garçon on a total of 11 catches for 151 yards and a touchdown. All in all Peyton took over the game and routed the Jets, 30-17, finishing with 377 yards, three tds and no picks.

Now don't get me wrong, the parallels aren't all there. No one came in during the middle of the game and threatened to kill Peyton if he didn't throw some interceptions, which then led to a huge fight in the parking lot where Peyton beat up seven dudes with weapons. But hey they can't all be winners kids.

Peyton Does It Again

My favorite professional athlete, and should-be comedic actor, received his second straight National Football League Most Valuable Player Award today. Peyton Manning now leads the NFL for most AP MVP Awards in the history of the league, garnering his fourth honor this year. Last year he won in a landslide and this year he was much closer to taking home all of the 50 votes. He actually got 39.5, compared to 32 a season ago. Drew Brees was the only other player with more than two votes, receiving 7.5.

Final Vote:
Peyton Manning- 39.5
Drew Brees- 7.5
Philip Rivers- 2
Brett Favre- 1

So somebody actually said "this Peyton/Brees thing is too tough to call, I'm gonna give them each a half of a vote"? That person should be out as a voter. I guess it's a tough job, but somebody else should do it from now on. If you can't decide on who deserves the award, you shouldn't be voting. I have more respect for the guy who voted for Chris Johnson last year. At least he made a decision. Speaking of, how does the guy who voted for Chris Johnson last season not vote for him again this year when he totaled over 2,000 yards rushing?

Last Year's Totals:
Peyton Manning- 32
Chad Pennington- 4
Michael Turner- 4
James Harrison- 3
Adrian Peterson- 3
Philip Rivers- 2
Kurt Warner- 1
Chris Johnson- 1

Peyton Is MVP

Peyton Manning won his third NFL MVP in a landslide. My favorite athlete since 1998 received 32 of the 50 total votes, with no other player receiving more than four. It is now Peyton and Favre as the only two guys with three MVPs. I predict Peyton ends with five by the time he's done.

Final Vote:
Peyton Manning- 32
Chad Pennington- 4
Michael Turner- 4
James Harrison- 3
Adrian Peterson- 3
Philip Rivers- 2
Kurt Warner- 1
Chris Johnson- 1

Here is the real question. Who in the world voted for Chris Johnson??? It seems to me that either T-time or Chris Johnson himself somehow is voting for the NFL MVP these days. That is ridiculous. Kurt Warner is the only other guy I don't agree with getting a vote, although it's much less crazy. Not a single vote for Drew Brees? Interesting. I love how Pennington and Rivers were the second and third QB vote getters in the MVP voting, but were both behind Cutler, Favre, Collins and Cassell in the Pro-Bowl voting. Man the Pro-Bowl voting is bad.

Phelps on SNL

Michael Phelps hosted Saturday Night Live last night and perpetuated the stereotype that Peyton Manning was the funniest athlete on SNL by far. Oh wait, that wasn't a stereotype...Peyton was seriously the only athlete I've seen that made skits funny because he was performing. There have been other skits which athletes were in that were funny but it was mostly because of the writing or other actors.

Last night Michael Phelps was just awful. You might think Wayne Gretzky was terrible back in the 90s but it didn't compare to how hard it was to watch Phelps messing up lines and saying things that were meant to be funny but weren't. Having him on the show did have one positive. It allowed the digital short guys to put together a hilarious Space Olympics skit.

Peyton Manning should definitely become an actor when he stops playing football. And I mean like a real comedic actor, not just being in movies because he's a star.