Theme Park Review- Universal Hollywood

First on the park slate in California was Universal Studios Hollywood. It wasn't in our original plans, but once we found out there was a new attraction opening on Thursday, July 1, they made up our minds for us.

The park as a whole is very similar to its Orlando brother. It's missing the Rip, Ride, Rocket coaster and the Men in Black shooting ride, but it stole Jurassic Park from Orlando's IOA and has its own mega-attraction in the Studio Tour. Yes you heard that right; the Studio Tour was what everyone was there to see!

To give a bit of reference to this, we should all remember that MGM's backlot tour is pretty much the last thing I would go on in the park. Never-the-less we followed the crowd heading for the Studio Tour as soon as the park opened. Oh sure it may have had a lot to do with the fact that the brand new King Kong 360/3D had its grand opening that day and was a part of the Studio Tour, but either way it was strange to see people sprinting to the Studio Tour.

On this 45 minute tour through the Universal working backlot, there was plenty exciting to see. All of the sets used for multiple movies and tv shows were interesting, as was the anticipation of seeing a celebrity walking through the area. But what everyone was there for was Kong...

In the middle of the tour, the tram takes a turn into a darkened cave representing Skull Island of King Kong fame. Once inside the attraction is like nothing else out there today. It was from the Simpsons/Soarin' but instead of a big screen right in front of your face, there were two hemispheric screens on both sides of you. So the 3D action was going on all around you and it was fantastic.

The only problems with Kong 360/3D was that 1) it was way too short and 2) it was inside of the Tour which left no room for a story line or a good theme in the queue.

The 'One Wedding and a Funeral' Award- Best Drama Episode

Named For: 'One Wedding and a Funeral' Episode 610 of Beverly Hills, 90210
Awarded To: The best episode in a drama series from June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: no award

Place. Character (Show) Points (My Vote)

5. 'Do You Know What It Means' (Treme) 4 points

4. 'Mia Culpa' (Californication) 5 points (2nd)

3. 'The Son' (Friday Night Lights) 10 points (3rd)

Runner-Up
2. 'Shut the Door. Have a Seat' (Mad Men) 12 points (1st)

and the Poolie goes to...
1. 'Broken' (House, MD) 15 points

Here with his thoughts on 'Broken' is Poolie voter, Jaydon...

The season finale of the fifth season of House was a doozy. House experienced a drug induced break from reality and constructed a fantasy where he and Cuddy finally consummated their relationship. Reality was much bleaker, the good doctor had reached the lowest of lows, and was committed to Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital for treatment.

This could have been a game changer, but House is the kind of show that discourages drifts from its formulaic procedural core. Instead, the "House goes crazy" storyline was resolved fairly quickly and thrust into the background for most of season six. Where it was dealt with most effectively was in the season six premiere, Broken - a double episode that played like a movie.

Broken, which owed a tremendous debt to One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, saw House in a novel and intriguing context. Instead of a villainous Nurse Ratched antagonist, House squared off against Dr Nolan, a decent doctor that was looking out for his best interests. House didn’t take kindly to Dr Nolan’s authority and tried to undermine him at every step. He recruited his motor-mouthed roommate Alvie and love interest Lydia, as co-conspirators. Things changed after House was responsible for the injury of Stevie, a patient who was emboldened by a wind tunnel carnival ride to leap into flight but instead leapt into concrete.

Feeling guilty, House decided to give treatment a chance. He bonded with his peers, had a fling with the married Lydia and was there for Dr Nolan during his dying father’s final days. House seemed to not only have made progress with his recovery but also seemed to have made strides as a person. Nolan granted House leave and medical board recommendation following his heartbreak over Lydia’s choice to stay with her husband. In his heartbreak, he had shown Nolan that he was able to connect with people. House left the hospital on the bus with a rare smile of peace and contentment on his face.

The episode had its good and bad beats. On the good side, the Lydia/House relationship was believable and bolstered by good chemistry. Lydia’s choice came off as authentically difficult and House’s reaction of pain rang equally true. It was also a worthy respite from the Huddy relationship, which seems less and less realistic or interesting as time goes on. The characters of Dr Nolan and Alvie were also strong, providing pathos and humor, respectively. On the weaker end was the deus ex machina of the music box. A patient was catapulted out of her catatonia by a random artifact. It was overly sentimental and stupid. It was also a little abrupt for House to be cleared for duty so soon after his breakdown. Nonetheless, this was a standout entry in an over the hill (132 episodes and no end in sight) procedural that has seen better days.

by Jonathan Stuart

Theme Park Review- Magic Mountain

I am, as most know, a huge theme park guy. Most of my experience is with the Orlando parks, but I have also experienced both Busch Gardens as well as Six Flags' Great Adventure and New England parks. I did Disneyland just over three years ago, and on my trip out to California last week, I went on a couple more theme park expeditions. Jack and I did Disney, Universal and Six Flags' Magic Mountain while in the wonderful dry heat of southern California.

Magic Mountain was the third park in the rotation, and thankfully it was only 32 dollars for an online ticket, because it was definitely not up to par with anything I've experienced. Maybe it was because we had gone to Disney the day before, but Magic Mountain felt like the oldest, dirtiest, most run down park I have ever been to.

It started right as we walked out of the parking lot and boarded the tram to the entrance...the tram that felt like it was going to break every chug along the way. Once we got to the entrance, it got better. It was where we passed through the metal detectors. Definitely a catch-22 type moment. I felt completely unsafe that I was in a theme park that needed metal detectors to keep out guns and knives, but then again those same detectors should have kept that stuff out so there should be nothing to worry about. Moral of the story is that I was very scared while waiting to get into the park.

Once in things brightened up as there was ample room to walk through the park and we head right for Magic Mountain's biggest draw, X2. The only coaster in the park that had more than a ten minute wait on this Tuesday, X2 was unlike anything I had been on before. It's a coaster in which you sit on the side of the track, rotating forward and backward in your seat while the car goes along an equally scary track. Take a look...

In the end it's ability to scare me was greater than it's level of enjoyment. That's why it wasn't as good as Tatsu. Tatsu is the world's tallest and fastest flying coaster. I thought Superman at Great Adventure was good. This thing put it to shame. No feeling on a coaster can top the lying down loop feeling of Tatsu.

Other highlights from the park were Riddler's Revenge (a standing up coaster), Goliath (from the Apollo's Chariot family, but not nearly as good) and Ninja (a Big Bad Wolf type swinging coaster through the trees).

The low-light of the whole experience was how absolutely run-down and un-themed this whole place was. I couldn't stop commenting on how awful the queue lines were, as we walked through chain link fence areas with signs of High Voltage. The absolute worst was while riding the Scream coaster. As you made your way up the first hill, you realized this coaster was built on an actual part of the parking lot. Obviously they used to have more guests and had a bigger parking lot. This coaster was built on an extra lot and they didn't even bother getting rid of the white parking space lines. Just complete lack of effort.

Magic Mountain had a few awesome coasters, and some types I had never been on before, so it was definitely worth the trip (especially for 32 bucks). Having said that, I will never make another trip to this park. Even though its rides were at the same level, if not a bit better than Great Adventure, its upkeep was way worse and I was afraid for my life at times. I don't recommend a trip to Valencia, CA for this park, unless you feel the need to check out X2.

The Zack and Kelly Award- Best Couple

Named For: Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski played by
Mark Paul-Gosselaar and Tiffani Thiessen on Saved by the Bell
Awarded To: The best couple on television from June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: no award

Place. Couple (Show) Points (My Vote)

10. Cappie and Casey (Greek) 2 points

9. Jeff and Jordan (Big Brother/Amazing Race) 4 points (5th)

8. Rigsby and Van Pelt (The Mentalist) 7 points

7. Joe and Stella (Jonas) 8 points (3rd)

6. Hank and Karen (Californication) 9 points (4th)

5. Andy and Erin (The Office) 14 points

4. Andy and April (Parks and Recreation) 14 points

3. Chuck and Sarah (Chuck) 26 points (1st)

Runner-Up
2. Mitchell and Cam (Modern Family) 28 points

and the Poolie goes to...
1. Desmond and Penny (Lost)
39 points (2nd)

'Happily Ever After' and 'The Constant' were my seventh and third favorite Lost episodes, respectively. Why were they so good? Because they revolved around Desmond David Hume and Penelope Widmore Hume. These two were so good together. They went together like lamb and tuna fish. Desmond was such a stud since we first met him, so to see him finding his one true love in the sideways universe during 'Happily Ever After' was fantastic. It's a testament to how much the fans love these crazy kids that this was the only episode of the season that the two of them were in together. Henry Ian Cusick and Sonya Walger had such great chemistry on Lost that it hindered my enjoyment of Flash Forward. I really couldn't see Olivia Benford with Mark or Lloyd Simcoe, because all along we all knew she was supposed to be with Desmond. So congratulations on winning the Zack and Kelly Award during your last season together. I'm sure you'll both enjoy the afterlife together.

Toy Story 3- Now Do You (Day)Care?

All it took to get me to go to the movie theater was a vacation across the country to California. With some down time, Jack and I went and saw Toy Story 3 in fantastic Disney Digital 3D. So below I have my completely spoiler-free review of the instant Pixar Classic.

First off the 3D was great. The glasses, unlike those at theme parks, were both functioning and comfortable. There weren't any cheap 3D tricks, but the added depth gave the toy world an extra ummph to it.

Toy Story's main characters are Woody and Buzz. Although Woody has never been about comedy, he is the heart of the story, and he didn't disappoint in that aspect this time around. Buzz, on the other hand, has been one of the funniest characters in animated history in the past (especially Toy Story 2). This final installment was not nearly as much of a showcase for the astronaut hero.

The old supporting characters, like Rex, Potato Head and Hamm, were still on their respective games and brought a good amount of comic relief this time around. A big bonus came in the way of the new characters. Unlike Toy Story 2, that introduced the insufferable Jessie, 3 gave us the likes of Lotso, Mr. Pricklepants, Trixie and maybe the best new addition, Ken.

The new environment (a daycare center) for our beloved characters was an awesome way of changing things up. It created a great conflict for our heroes and finished everything up with a terrific ending.

What was best about Toy Story 3 is that the concluded the series well. There should be no room for any more sequels that will have the chance at diminishing the quality of this trilogy. It took them 11 years to come up with a good enough story to follow up Toy Story 2. It would only take longer to think of a quality Toy Story 4 plot. The toys had their story summed up nice and succinctly at the end of 3 and I'm happy about that.

After only one watch, I wouldn't have a problem sliding Toy Story 3 into the first, second or third spots in my series rankings. It was at the least right on par with the other two. Most people will be stubborn and love the first one most, no matter if it's actually the best movie or not. Not me. I'm open to the idea that sequels can build on originals and get better. I've always had more nostalgia for one, but thought two was funnier. Maybe ten years down the road I'll look back on three as the best on both accounts.

The Teri Bauer Award- Worst Character Action

Named For: Teri Bauer played by Leslie Hope in 24
Awarded To: The character you love to hate in an action series from
June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: Olivia Taylor- 24

Place. Character (Show) Points (My Vote)

10. Clay Morrow (Sons of Anarch) 1 point

9. Aaron Stark (Flash Forward) 5 points

8. Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) 5 points

7. Bill Compton (True Blood) 8 points (2nd)

6. Matt Parkman (Heroes) 10 points

5. Walter White, Jr. (Breaking Bad) 11 points

4. Tyler Evans (V) 15 points (4th)

3. Dana Walsh (24) 19 points (5th)

Runner-Up
2. Allison Taylor (24) 19 points (1st)

and the Poolie goes to...
1. Skyler White (Breaking Bad)
21 points (3rd)

Here with his thoughts on Skyler White is Poolie voter, Larry...

No wonder Walter White contemplates killing himself all the time. Who could blame him? He’s had to deal with two of the top contenders for this award, who also happen to be his only family. Through two plus seasons, Sklyar White has been miserable, a real testament to why females tend to be the worst. First of all, she’s selfish. The guy is dying of cancer, operating in an extremely dangerous drug ring, and all he gets when he comes home is a scolding about his lack of availability. Are you kidding me? Can the man get a little alone time in between his dealings with drug lords? Jesus. Second, she somehow managed to make Walter feel bad about having cancer. Seriously, he should have told her to GTFO and been done with it. This series, if nothing else, shows you what happens when a man’s home is no longer his sanctuary (#vehicularmanslaughter).

To top it off she decided, in typical female fashion, to sleep with her boss in order to provoke Walter. I pray for the day males are no longer affected by this, because then females will literally have nothing to hold over our heads. Is she deserving of this award? Absolutely. However, if the poolie votes had been cast a few weeks later, she might not have gotten my vote (her terrible son probably would have). Once she started to get into the drug game, a genuine excitement seemed to come over her and she seemed less annoying. With this show, I enjoy the characters involved in the drug operation and dislike the ones living a normal New Mexican life. If she crosses over, she has a chance to improve her likability. She’d still be terrible, just less.

by Larry Avitabile

The Lily Finnerty Award- Worst Character Comedy

Named For: Lily Finnerty played by Linsey Bartilson in Grounded For Life
Awarded To: The character you love to hate in a comedy series from
June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: Toby Flenderson- The Office

Place. Character (Show) Points (My Vote)

10. Timmy (Rules of Engagement) 4 points

9. Glen Quagmire (Family Guy) 6 points

8. Curtis (Gary Unmarried) 8 points

7. Jim Halpert (The Office) 9 points (5th)

6. Nico Harris (Sonny With a Chance) 9 points (3rd)

5. Toby Flenderson (The Office) 12 points

4. Richard Lewis (Curb Your Enthusiasm) 15 points (4th)

3. Britta Perry (Community) 18 points

Runner-Up
2. Mark Brendanawicz (Parks and Recreation) 25 points (1st)

and the Poolie goes to...
1. Susie Greene (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
30 points (2nd)

Here with his thoughts on Susie Greene is Poolie voter, Jaydon...

The essence of Curb Your Enthusiasm boils down to Larry David dispatching doses of his special brand of misanthropy to everyone he meets. The show has a consummate cast of regulars that can be dichotomized as either sounding board support systems of Larry’s machinations or antagonistic victims of Larry’s ornery enmity. In the former camp are characters like Larry’s best friend and manager Jeff Green and the hilarious homesteader, Leon Black. The latter camp includes virtually everyone else on the show but most prominently Larry’s fastidious frenemy Richard Lewis; frequent victim Marty Funkhouser; and his arch nemesis, Jeff’s wife, Susie Green. Each character responds to Larry’s eccentricities in different ways. Richard is prone to neurotic befuddlement, Funkhouser is often argumentative but subdued and Susie can best be described as a raging, shrill, foul-spoken harpy.

As fans of the show, we live for the moments where Larry selfishly violates the social order to suit his zany worldview. We love to hate Susie because she’s that one person who can jolt Larry back in line. It’s fun to see Larry fearfully beholding Susie’s bilious rants with a shell-shocked look on his face. The Larry vs Susie face offs frequently end with her demanding that Larry depart from the Green household. Before she gets to that, Susie is known for catchphrases like “You four-eyed f*ck” and “F you Larry”. That second rejoinder is especially popular with most Poolie voters as a part of our disdain for Connecticut gingers.

In this past season, Susie was less involved due to the Seinfeld reunion arc. The rivals managed to butt heads several times anyway. There was the kerfuffle about Larry’s abhorrence of Susie’s pre-teen daughter’s warbling singing voice. LD requested that Sammie cease singing at a cocktail party which set Susie off a tad. It wasn’t until the next morning when Larry groggily woke up to Sammie’s singing and bellowed an emphatic STFU that Susie really got serious and delivered an equally potent GTFO to Larry. Larry’s treatment of Sammie came up again when he delayed in rescuing her from drowning by attending to the infinitely more important safety of his blackberry and its phone numbers. Susie was quick to hurl the phone into the sea, causing some sublimely awkward shenanigans for Larry with two wheelchair bound ladies at a subsequent party. Apparently you can’t replace a wheelchair Denise with a Wheelchair Wendy, even if you lose Denise’s number.

There were two other minor but memorable moments. Larry horrified Susie by exposing that he wore panties in an elaborate cover for Jeff’s adultery. He also accused her of not respecting wood.
We don’t love Susie Green, in fact, she’s the worst, but we love what she brings out in Larry.

Check out this Larry vs Susie best of video. Clashes include the aforementioned wood respect business and other issues involving Sammie’s sobriety, a decapitated doll’s head, stolen dogs, answering the phone at dinner, the refusal of house tours, a lack of gratitude over a Lyme disease diagnosis and taste in garish t-shirts.

by Jonathan Stuart

The Marissa Cooper Award- Worst Character Drama

Named For: Marissa Cooper played by Mischa Barton in The O.C.
Awarded To: The character you love to hate in a drama series from
June 1, 2009 - May 31, 2010
Last Year's Winner: Jason Street- Friday Night Lights

Place. Character (Show) Points (My Vote)

10. Rusty Cartwright (Greek) 3 points

9. Millicent Huxtable (One Tree Hill) 3 points (5th)

8. Peggy Olsen (Mad Men) 8 points

7. Sue Collini (Californication) 10 points (3rd)

6. Dixon Wilson (90210) 10 points (2nd)

5. Eric Murphy (Entourage) 13 points

4. Kurt Hummel (Glee) 13 points (1st)

3. Serena van der Woodson 14 points

Runner-Up
2. Emma Pillsbury (Glee) 16 points

and the Poolie goes to...
1. Ashley (Entourage) 31 points (4th)

Here with his thoughts on Ashley from Entourage is Poolie voter Mags...

HBO’s Entourage gets a lot of hate for a variety of reasons. Some people complain that the show is boring or played out, others think the actors are no-talent dirtbags who don’t deserve their success. Personally, I can appreciate the show for what it is: a weekly 25 minute look at a bunch of bros living in Hollywood and killing it. I know nothing bad ever happens, the acting is horrible, the story generally sucks, and the chicks are way too hot for the guys. I don’t care much. Oh the little leprechaun loser Eric Murphy is hooking up with this dime Sloan? Good for him. I apply that perspective to most of the show, but something happened in the last season that just killed me.

After E breaks up with Sloan, he ends up with this random piece named Ashley. She sucks. Like way more than most chicks. She has a 5 head, gross hair, an ugly face and probably a lazy eye. She is also pre-pubescent. Her voice is annoying, and on top of all her physical flaws she is jealous and stupid. Just out of curiosity I Googled “ashley entourage.” Some highlights on the results:

1. Entourage: Ashley’s Not Going Away Soon
- Highlight: If you are sick and tired of what's-her-face (Ashley) as E's current flame on Entourage, then you're not alone.

2. ASHLEY FROM ENTOURAGE IS GROSS
- Highlight: That new chick they got on, this Ashley chick, is fugly.

3. Ashley has to Go!
- Highlight (from an Entourage forum): Ashley definetely has to go.. she is probably the most annoying character we have ever seen on entourage.. seriously…she looks like a 10 year old girl to me..

Now the guy who wrote the last highlight is clearly a bit of a RE, and he still gets it. I spent some solid time on Google and the whole internet hates this broad. At this point even if you don’t watch the show you hate her. I could lob hate grenades at this heinous crank (h/t Joe Bertoulli) all day. Presenting your winner for the 2010 Marissa Cooper Award: Ashley from Entourage.

by Kyle Magnus